Hey Everyone! It's been a while so I thought it'd be fun to do another edition of.....
Dear Apples,
I'm not in the entertainment industry but have a secret dream of pursuing acting someday. What's it like to go on auditions? Any tips or tricks would be much appreciated.
-Vladimir Borgan
Dear Mr. Borgan,
First of all I want to let you know that you should definitely pursue your dream! As far as auditions go, you gotta be as prepared as possible but then once you're in the room just go with the flow. Here are a few unexpected things that I have had to do in an audition:
1. Pretend to be a lesbian cat, crawl around on the floor, and have an argument with another lesbian cat.
2. Do a scene (set in contemporary New York) with a Russian accent. The character wasn't Russian, they just wanted to see if I could do it.
3. Hop constantly while reciting my monologue.
4. Instead of doing my prepared Shakespearean monologue, (from Midsummer Night's Dream) have a conversation with William Shakespeare as my character (Hermia) about sports and contemporary pop culture. Oh yeah, and do it in iambic pentameter, or as close as possible. Yikes!
5. Seduce a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
So as you can see you never know what they're going to ask you to do in an audition. It's hard not to get nervous, but here's what I do: right before I go in the room I tell myself that I'm super awesome and they should be so lucky to have me in their play or film. And if that doesn't work, I just picture everyone naked, that usually helps too.
I'm not in the entertainment industry but have a secret dream of pursuing acting someday. What's it like to go on auditions? Any tips or tricks would be much appreciated.
-Vladimir Borgan
Dear Mr. Borgan,
First of all I want to let you know that you should definitely pursue your dream! As far as auditions go, you gotta be as prepared as possible but then once you're in the room just go with the flow. Here are a few unexpected things that I have had to do in an audition:
1. Pretend to be a lesbian cat, crawl around on the floor, and have an argument with another lesbian cat.
2. Do a scene (set in contemporary New York) with a Russian accent. The character wasn't Russian, they just wanted to see if I could do it.
3. Hop constantly while reciting my monologue.
4. Instead of doing my prepared Shakespearean monologue, (from Midsummer Night's Dream) have a conversation with William Shakespeare as my character (Hermia) about sports and contemporary pop culture. Oh yeah, and do it in iambic pentameter, or as close as possible. Yikes!
5. Seduce a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
So as you can see you never know what they're going to ask you to do in an audition. It's hard not to get nervous, but here's what I do: right before I go in the room I tell myself that I'm super awesome and they should be so lucky to have me in their play or film. And if that doesn't work, I just picture everyone naked, that usually helps too.
Dear Apples,
I just gotta know your opinion on Lindsay Lohan. Do you think she's gonna finally clean herself up now that Oprah is intervening?
-Janice Parkside
Hi Janice,
Well, first of all I think you shouldn't judge people until you've walked a mile in their shoes. Except if they wear high heels, then forget it because that would be painful. I thought Lindsay was pretty good in some movie roles years ago and I hope she's able to get her life back on track. Now that Oprah's on her side I think she has a good shot, and she should definitely not squander this opportunity because I don't think it's wise to disappoint or cross Oprah.
That being said, there's something awful that Lindsay did that she should apologize to the world for if she wants to move forward. It's not her drug abuse or her wardrobe malfunctions or reputation for being late and unreliable. It's this:
I just gotta know your opinion on Lindsay Lohan. Do you think she's gonna finally clean herself up now that Oprah is intervening?
-Janice Parkside
Hi Janice,
Well, first of all I think you shouldn't judge people until you've walked a mile in their shoes. Except if they wear high heels, then forget it because that would be painful. I thought Lindsay was pretty good in some movie roles years ago and I hope she's able to get her life back on track. Now that Oprah's on her side I think she has a good shot, and she should definitely not squander this opportunity because I don't think it's wise to disappoint or cross Oprah.
That being said, there's something awful that Lindsay did that she should apologize to the world for if she wants to move forward. It's not her drug abuse or her wardrobe malfunctions or reputation for being late and unreliable. It's this:
The real photo didn't have the modesty bubbles, I added those because this is a family blog for goodness sake! This picture is from a photo shoot Lindsay did about five years ago, which was an imitation of one of Marilyn Monroe's most iconic photo shoots. I am a HUGE fan of Marilyn Monroe and I think this photo shoot was offensive to Marilyn fans everywhere. To think you can just slap on a blonde wig, take your clothes off, prance around in a sheet, and end up with photos as beautiful as Marilyn's is pretty naive. I'm not saying that Lindsey is ugly, but there's only one Marilyn and she ain't it!
So to answer your question Janice, if Lindsay goes to her sobriety meetings, does everything Oprah says and never EVER tries to imitate Marilyn Monroe again I'd say she has a great shot at regaining success in Hollywood. And I wish her all the best. And now, to erase that awful photo from our memories, here's a slideshow with the REAL Marilyn. Have a great week!
So to answer your question Janice, if Lindsay goes to her sobriety meetings, does everything Oprah says and never EVER tries to imitate Marilyn Monroe again I'd say she has a great shot at regaining success in Hollywood. And I wish her all the best. And now, to erase that awful photo from our memories, here's a slideshow with the REAL Marilyn. Have a great week!
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